The new ME

The new Me is so different. I am unable to understand, someone who makes friends with such an ease does not have a single fren in office. I assume the situation is alarming. I find it hard to communicate with new people, It has never happened with me, Am I growing Old ???? but that does not mean I stop socializing.


Not in a mood even to write much,

Let me make a to do list instead.
1. Finding project
2. UCF
3. Compulsory Certifications


Thats all for today

LnP,
Manjusha
 

Romantic?????

Ah the word itseld sounds so damn romantic. I see most couple romantically involved, Sometimes I envy, sometimes I wonder what it really is.
Recently someone asked me if I am romantic, made me think If I am...
Haven't got the answer yet. Romance I guess has many dimensions and means different things to different people. Why Am I even bothered about others I am trying to find an answer for myself.

Let me use a checklist sort kinda thing ( based on my observation of romantic couple). I doubt the accuracy as I have seen frens who I thought were very romantic, in real turned out to otherwise.

For me,
Writting to someone you love about your true feelings is romatic
If a small miss you message can keep me engrosssed for days and maybe months that is romatic
Holding hands and walking is definitely on top of my list :) of being romantic . Not that I like PDA. Holding hand and walking, sometimes even without speaking a word to reach other and still being able to understand the feeling of the person you love is romatic..Isn't it ???
Endless talks or sometimes no talks but if the mere presence of that person can makes me feel out of the world, I think it's romatic.
Waiting for that one good night message and reading and rereading all the messages received from is no less romantic....

Even when the person is not around and remembering something the person said and getting a broad smile, being with group of frens yet thoughts appearing again and again.... and the smile at the wrong timing is romantic....
Oh I so love the moonlight, my love for moonlight is very primitive ( The window of my bedrooom where I had placed my study table , I could see the moon each night very clearly), not being filmi but watching at the moon and the stars sitting together.....is romatic to me...
I have one more thing which I consider the most romantic, wont mention here :).

Make over of mind

I wish there was something like make over of mind which includes services like emancipation from thinking.....I hate to wear th ethinking cap all the time. It's tiring, stressful and at times painful too....

Guess there is no place where mind make over is done hence thinking of hair make over. Funny me, Sameeta would be getting me hair extensions, I dont want permanet ones.... temporary sounds interesting to me.... She was laughing when I said I want her to get hair extension... Cute she is.... spoke to her after a long time.... was good....

Hey, I havent spoken to pooja for so long..... I dont want to... she understands me too well...she will understand what I am going through and keep worrying about it.....
She loves me as much as my sisters do.... I love her too.....

I am trulu lucky to have pooja in my life..... we are also opposites.... she is typical daily soapwali achi bahu, achi beti , now the best mom and the best wife.....Havent met anyone as caring as her. She knows me in and out.................I so love her......... Missing you pooojaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I never Had a Love story...

:) My flatmate is currently reading a book callled I too had a love story.

I just realised I was Alice in Wonderland. I never had a love story. The love I thought never existed, For me Love does not exist. Atleast for me it does not. How stupid was i, I cant even call it innocence...I am too old to be innocent anymore.

Infatuation, I guess be a better word, I am bad at expressing. I dont think I can ever say few things.... I generally write things which I cant say.

I hated Pune until I met Vicky and Ashwin joined the project ( both are opposites vicky hardly talks and ashwin hardly stops). I remember somewhere I said I will write about him... today is his day ...hehehehe.....

Remember seeing him seated next to me instead of madhuri after my unplannned leaves( my managers hate me for it, I hate them no less). I just had a glance, I Ain't rude to new people and generally try to make them comfortable.... for the first time I dint take the pain of talking to him... He said something I dont remember now.... I guess the next day I listened to few things he spoke endlessly and he showed me few of his sketches... I thought what a kiddo... He actually is.
I was going for a break and tol d him what I was upto :). He said he will join and we went for tea.... the conversation was good.... we started taking frequent breaks together.... and everytime a new topic to discuss, he is very inquistive and like cartoons ( I hope hid dad gets him tata sky), crazy about music, sketching, likes to read minds, body language and he knows most things :).
Quite mature for his age..... Didnt feel I am a day older or he a day younger to me.... The friendship was great. I started enjoying office....

It was funny to be seen by kavita most times. There was nothing between us but I felt strange whenever our managers spotted us together... .

Conversation and conversation..... endlessly conversation .... felt nice..atlas I found a fren in office too....

Look at me.... I am nuts..... I have to accept it... I started with something else on mind and ended with dont really know what.... Just typing whatever comes to my mind.

I wish to be mindless fora while................

Mindlessly,
manjusha

My dad and me

My Baba is one of the most progressive thinking person I know, considering the fact that he was born in a village which has not developed much even now. My maa says, he was very fond of having a daughter after my two elder brothers were born. Maa says, he visited temples praying for a baby gal, Guess God was too kind to him and we trio( Nisha, Monisha and Manjusha) were born.

I have never seen my parents getting into an argument or my baba loosing his kool.
One confession that he made to me makes me proud of him. I love him very much.

It was in mumbai, both of us had gone for a walk, those days situation at home was quite a disturbing one after I decided to call off my marriage. My maa was playing all the emotional atyachar on me. I haven't seen tears in my baba's eyes when I was a kid. These days he has become emotional a bit, I cant see him cry for any reason and can do anything to see him happy.

My baba has a very different opinion about, I have lived away from him for long now and he still thinks I am the same as I was when I left home. I also pretend to be the same( with some guilt) to see him happy.

Amist all the chaos and confusion after me backing out of marriage, he said something which gives me gooseflesh even know when I write this.

He said, Mary You are such a nice gal I think the mistakes I have done in my past is affecting you. He told me about an affair, he had ( not many details though). He was relating my unhappiness with things of the past. He held my hand, both of us had tears in our eyes, I pretended to be strong and said chalo baba, let's s go for a drive and you can smoke. He smiled,
I got down from car, got one cig from a panwala, lit it for him( took a puff while lighting it for him). There was some silenece between us.

Not many people accept things that have done in the past, My dad did and it gives me a courage to be able to speak out the truth to someone you are close to. I would not open up to the whole world but definitely if someone is close to me, I would not shy away from telling the truth however crude, unaccepatble it maybe.

I dont face problems anywhere I go, the only reason I relate to is because of my baba's goodness God always helps me.

I fear losing my parents a lot, it is one of my biggest fears. And since it is inevitable I pray If they ever leave me, they should leave me together and be with each other.

After dada left me, my prayer has changed, I wish to be the first person to meet him in heaven.
............................

Always,
Mary

ME

My Nick name is Mary ( My brother name me Mary after he came back from school learning Nursery rhyme Mary had a little lamb, I am happy he didnt name me Lamb). My folks at home call me mary, all my nephew and neice with all their due respect call me Mary Fu. (FU... Abhishek my oldest nephew couldn't pronounce the bhojpuri word for aunt, guess Its Phua, he invented a new word Fu ).

Until, My engineering I was a sort of book-worm. Initially it was to impress dad and then it became a habit. I would revise what was taught in the school everyday and also read what would be taught next. Was quite popular in school. Academically I was doing very good and I was even better at extra curricular activities. I was always the leader of the gangs I had in school. I was good at debate, games and writing love letters for my friends and also my sister.

I had trained my mind to not fall in love ( papa thought I can never get into such things unlike my sisters). I had my own share of crushes which got crushed with time.


I was too innocent then, not anymore . My dad gave me two career option medincine or engineering. I chose engineering as the dissection of frogs in Bio lab was something I hated. Hence I was left with no choice but engineering. The innocent gal that I was thought after graduation i.e Engineering(which was a prerequisite to study law), I will study law and will become one of the best lawyers. First year of enginnering , the thought of becoming a lawyer went out of my hostel window. I was slowly changing but in its extremes. From a bookworm, to study just a night or two before the examination and a movie between the exam breaks.


Ah, I forgot to mention, the only guys I had interacted while I was in home were my brothers.
First year engineering was awful, was missing home teribbly all the time. I was a cry baby and had no frens. Things changed when Sandhya Pathak my batchmate made frens with me. I liked her a lot. More than liking, I had respect for her. She would not drink cold-drink or eat choclates and would wash her clothes ( she said she couldn't afford and hence nver developed taste for it).

How we beacme frens, It is still fresh in my mind..... it was exam time and i had asked her to wake me up and when she did , I smiled and woke up to study. She later told me she like the smile :). Then came Nidhi kashyap( sandhya's buddy) who turned my best buddy too. We three were very good frens.( I hate using past tense here). Sandhya doesnot want to keep in youch with me for reasons I cant relate to and Nidhi chose not to keep in touch with anybody from the college. Nidhi and I were alike,( my neice name is nidhi, my folks had heard this name so much from me that they name her nidhi). Sandhya was calm, composed and a very responsible person. Nidhi and I were adventurous, fun-loving, naughty and we made boyfriends around the same time.


My boyfriend was the first guy I spoke to after my brothers. He was quite a senior but a Rajput.
Sandhya was dead against him, I do not know if I loved him or was it infatuation. I was liking all the attention I was getting. And when you are away from home and if someone really cares for you , we all tend to like that person. My love story ended with my boyfriend passing out of college and getting married to someone(rich, beautiful) without even informing me. What a shock that was.... I pretended strong. I shared room with my sister, I didnt even have a place to cry then. Used to visit my best fren dhanpriya(schoolmate) to be able to cry without being noticed, she had a separate to herself. Now I find it funny that I cried for something which was worthless. Cried for someone who was an escapist, cried for someone who didnt even care what I must be going through. I met him at Joburg accidently and realised Good sure has better plans for me. I could not relate to him anymore. The pain vanished.


The pain was so so bad that I could not concentrate in my career and I feel I still lag far behind my collegemates. But I don't care. God has some very special plans for me. Cmon God unveil the special plan for me....


I was running away from myself, switched my jobs, wasn't liking what I was doing (Programming). Now I have decided I am not runing anywhere, I have started loving programming, credit goes to my new buddy ashwin. I would write about him in a separate blog.


when I started writing this blog, i had nothing in mind..... hence started with my name ...

Who is me , who is for me???

Ah.... Someone asked me What is my dream guy like?

I didnt have an answer..... been thinking since then.....
Since I am too filmi ( my maa thought english films would spoil us) but every bollywood masala movie that I have watched I have applied it somewhere or the other like a useful science theory and at most places it works unbelievably........

I wanna talk abt myself now.... self praise is bad I know but I am finding it irresitable this moment.... My dada's fav was always me amongst the three of us. He would nt listen to anybody but a tear in my eyes, he would change the world for me. I missssss you so much bhaiya. Whereever you are I know you miss me too and I am going to bethe first person to see you .... Thats what I have been prayinig since you left us.

Since I studied in an all gal's school, I am good with gals ... I can manage many together. But at times it was so very difficult to get my best frens to be best frens. I always wanted them to be best frens too. That was how me, sandhay, nidhi and tiku are best frens to each other. It was so much fun.
While in school , I was always teh ring leader :)..... , do all naughty thiings and get away with it quite comfortably.... That was easy . .... I lived a differnt life at home and a differnt life in school.

Few things that my parents instilled especially my mom remained with me for long. I thought Kissing was sinful. Most of my frens had bfs while in school. I wrote so many love letters for them.... I wonder if I can write it for myself:):):)...... Someday I had to....

I haven't grown a bit, I am just the same person.... childish, childlike... I dont know what it is.... I like to be responsible though .... and I am to an extent...... Yes I am!!!!
I am very passionate about my family, frens, oh... Did I mention I am a chatter-box.... I can talk on an on.... endlessly...

I have outgrown my shyness to a very good extent but somehow I feel inside I am still a shy person.... I would know who is the one for me the day I would not be able to look into his eyes when he ............ probably says something very romantic. I am die hard romantic....
eh..... I just get a feeling that I want to be truly in love with him.... I wonder what is he upto.... It's high time we meet... or have I have already met.... don't really know.....

He should not be smoking but I so like the idea of smoking..... I find it very romantic to hold hand in the cold and share the cigarette in a very special, magical way.

He should love me to the core, he should hold my hand when we walk the street, when we go shopping, or wherever .....He should be able to change the car gears without leaving my hands while driving :).

He should be intelligent and someone nice to talk to..... like gals, even some guys are really dumb and boring to talk to....

I still dont have a clear picture of who should be the one for me? Whoever it is , is surely going to be on a roller coaster all his life with me.... hence must be a daring guy... who can handle me... The moral of the story is handling me is a difficult task.... I get so many fun ideas... I wonder if I can be in a marriage and still do weird things .......

The day I find him, i do not know when..... how will i know he is the one for me..... some of my frens say... bell rings...it has not rung for me yet......

I at times wish, there was someonoe exclusively mine, I could hug him, kiss him ETC....

Thats all for now....